Capture;

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

; 1:36 AM

The past few days of life have been torturing for me. I quarreled with my parents, about my life lazing around doing nothing but in actual fact i have been doing a lot of thinking. Yeah i know its still not doing anything. I have been thinking about God, my life, my parents, my friends, my studies, my family.

I just don't know how to put this, sometimes i feel what other say people is right, i don't look like anyone in my family at all. Maybe I am adopted, mybe i'm not you know all this things that make me feel hurt. I don't wish to be someone with people i am not related by blood to love me. Yeah and my studies, coming to an end this year, last year in ITE and i still don't know what am i going to do in future. I shall wait for Him to reveal his plans for me.

I have been waiting so long for the time to let her know my feelings, but i'm afraid, afraid of being rejected - cause this has happen to me before. Sometimes i dream of her saying does things to me.

And i haven't been doing a lot of work in my youth group. Not much of praying these days, i feel rejected, maybe she's right i do things to be accepted but sometimes doing the wrong things at the wrong time is distratous.

I know i got him to suppport me, lend me his shoulder to lean on, he's alwyas there for me

Recently i thought i heard him calling me, i feel that i have a job, a task, a mission to do and so i need to listen, be patient to listen to his calling and wait to tell me my vocation, my job, my task and my mission to him.

Last Sunday a few of my friends got confirm, it was a big occaasion and i thought to myself with all these celebration do they think of Jesus when they celebrate or even the holy spirit. I really pray that each and everyone who have been confirm find the true meaning of being a confirmand. Not graduating from church and not coming back again but the beginning of everything , new life, new mission, new hope.