I have been in a very tough fight, very tough one indeed. He has been made me furious about things i know i could handle, he made me angry at my loved ones, made me confused of my religion.



I have been thinking would it be better to leave my youth group i am in right now, would it made my life more colorful or just taking something from deep inside myself. I am not sure i have been feeling like this ever since the start of this year, after my trip to dalat I was defintely leaving my youth group but i still continued journeying with them. My saturdays have been occupied with Weekiy meetings dicussing on our next program ahead of us. Everthing seems well but i know deep inside me that something is definetly wrong, something is missing and I can't figure what is it that is bugging me. I hope to find answers, answers that will be revealed to me.



Today i was thinking to myself, Why am I a catholic is it because my parents are catholic and therefore i am born catholic. I think all of us have our rights to say which religion we should be in or not haing a religion might be better. No restrictions, certain food cannot be done if i am have a religion, certain activites cannot be done if i have a religion. Would it be better to be free, FREE from everything no restrictons, no god to look up to, no god to worship, no god to pray, no need to go to church every sunday or every other alternate days. It seems i have been in a fight with the devil and i am letting him win.



But what if, what if i am married to a catholic? Must I be one?



I have no one to turn to expect myself. Sometimes i feel god ain't listening to me at all so why should i listen to him.



All those friends who place their lives at his feet is it worth it? You have your own life to control, I have mine but it seems to me that i am losing myself and turning to the devil.



I don't know... YOU tell me...